I haven't blogged much in the last few weeks. I have left out some fun family outings, a very fun date night with Scott, and other cute things that have happened. But of all the things that I could blog about today, this is exactly what I want to say.
In a conversation I had today, I was overwhelmed with emotion as I remembered a sweet, tender experience I had with one of my very dearest friends. It was one of those experiences that, no matter how many months or years pass, you still feel like it just happened because you can remember every little detail. Usually a really important moment. Like when you find out someone you love has passed away. Or when you are proposed to. You know...
I remember when I first KNEW that Heavenly Father knew me personally and was aware of what I needed.
After I had Tyler, I really struggled to get back on my feet (not literally :) ). I felt so unhappy for so long and I cried many, many hours a day. No matter what I did, I just couldn't seem to pull myself together. I didn't really want to admit that I was depressed and I was really embarrassed that I felt the way I did. My sweet, sweet mom came and stayed with me for about a week and a half (maybe even two weeks) and just was a complete angel. As I struggled to step into my new life as a mother, she was right beside me, helping me and guiding me, and letting me know I was going to be okay. I knew I was okay because she was there with me.
And Scott. Oh, what can I say, but that he was the absolute perfect man for me. He would get up with me during the nightly nursing because I didn't want to be alone. He would do the baths, the burping, the diapers, and whatever else I needed. He was such the perfect husband and father. So my mom had to leave on a friday morning because she needed to be home for something. Scott had gone out of town and wasn't going to fly in until friday afternoon. A few hours...couldn't be a big deal, right?
I couldn't be more wrong! I sobbed and sobbed when my mom was leaving. I knew she had to go. But I also knew that I couldn't do it by myself. I felt so unsure of myself, so inadequate, so unstable. My mom left and I walked back in the door and just kept crying and crying. It wasn't too long before there was a knock on the door.
There was Nancy Roberts. She lived two or three doors down from us. She was one of my best friends in the ward and we served in young womens together. She had FIVE kids and was pregnant with her sixth. She is pretty much the picture of perfection. Every time I spent even five minutes with Nancy, I would always think "I want to be just like her!" I really looked up to her in every way.
So there she was, standing on my doorstep and she said "Hi Rach. I was just thinking about you and thought that I should come over and see how you are doing." I burst into tears.
She stayed with me until Scott got home. She held Tyler when he was screaming and I couldn't get him to stop. She walked around the block with me...what, three times?
She had five kids of her own to take care of. She probably had a million other things that she needed to do, but she came over to see me and take care of me.
It wasn't too much later that I pulled out of that awful stage and things got much better. When I think about all the days or all the weeks that I have lived in my life, it is simply amazing to me that the Lord knew that on that day, at that time, I needed Him. I needed someone.
I will NEVER forget that experience and I will always love Nancy for her Christlike love and compassion.
If I ever wonder if Heavenly Father knows me, I always think of that day that he showed me that he does know me.
3 weeks ago